Red Hot Filk-On-Filk Action!!!

[Joe Jack Onassis]

Johnny's on Fire  (to the tune of Brian Eno's "Baby's on Fire")

Johnny's on fire
This is gonna be a slaughter
How long will it take to
Tell this to all his sons and daughters
Johnny's on fire
Oh man, he's burning like a baguette
Without that fresh bread smell
Instead we're smelling burning hair net

Burn's right to his 'fro 'fro
Sizzling just like one of his fry ups
Look at his hook glow glow
Poor Oprah's 'jina's gonna dry up
And everyone jumps back
Take your time he's only burning
He's smelling like burnt spam
Oh holy fuck, my stomach's churning
I know what we're thinking
"At least he died a one-armed hero"
They said you were hot stuff
Thought that was all just soul jive lingo

Joe Jack and Hoa
Very clever with retardents
I hope that cute couple
Settles down in an apartment
Hoa dances when fighting
But never, ever upon tables
That level of balance
Is not a thing of which she's able
But Johnny's on fire!
And we're all standing around looking
His temperature's rising
Guess we won't have to eat his cooking.

Clem, Too  (to the tune of "Trem Two" by Mission-ah Buhmah)

I may be strong and silent
A man of few words
But that doesn't mean that
None of these flames hurt
My clothes are now being
Burnt into my hide
And nobody sees that
I'm about to die
They call me Clemato
But I am just Clem
I wish I could play on
That elevator again
Though no one has noticed
At least no one will say
To our high gamemaster
That I have a grenade
My skin is now crackling
My eyeballs have burst
Sure, Johnny's on fire
But I caught on fire first
But I caught on fire first
But I caught on fire first
But I caught on fire first
But I caught on fire first
But I caught on fire first
But I caught on fire first
But I caught on fire first

[Brand Nar Gath]

 

[Johnny The Cook]

Steak Cooked Too Long (to the tune of "Candle in the Wind" by Elton Johnny)

Left Los Alamos
Eve’s brain in tow, c.o.d.
She said we needed to hurry
Back to Albuquerque
Made it to the exit door
But the opening was too small
The brain box was quite massive
It just wouldn’t fit at all

And Johnny said it would shrink right down
Like a steak that’s cooked too long
He compares physics to cooking
And we nod along
And Johnny’s always talking and he
Really don’t know a damn
He goes on about his cooking
But all we get is spam

Johnny’s the one who
Can jack in to the computer
He just asks for recipes
This cook still needs a tutor
And even though we try
His food brings us to tears
Our stomachs cannot hold it
It’s an express train through our rears

And Johnny said the brain would shrink down
Like a steak that’s cooked too long
He compares physics to cooking
And we nod along
And Johnny’s always talking and he’s
Really a kitchen oaf
He goes on about his cooking
But spam’s not a meatloaf

Found Officer Mike
Strong enough to carry the brain
He’s a reformed killer sandman
And we’re giving him free reign
But that exit door
Was from the cold war, it was too cramped
We looked at the side of the brain box
Where cryptic words were stamped

And Johnny said it would shrink right down
Like a steak that’s cooked too long
He compares physics to cooking
And we just nod along
Ol’ Johnny’s always talking
‘Bout stuff that he don’t know
And if Johnny goes on cooking
The next meal I’ll forego

[Joe Jack Onassis]

Very Nice!     Why haven't you been filking lately?  This is genius.

[Johnny The Cook]

Time has been fleeting between the kid being out of school for summer and my five jobs. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to my filksponsibilities.

"Johnny's on Fire" was brilliant. I'm totally jealous that you thought of it before I did. I just added "Baby's on Fire" to the kid's iPod. By his request.

[Joe Jack Onassis]

Sounds like a cool kid.  I'd like to meet him. 

Wait...  He won't like, explain the alphabet to me will he?  'Cause I already know about it.

[Johnny The Cook]

Sounds like a cool kid.  I'd like to meet him. 

Wait...  He won't like, explain the alphabet to me will he?  'Cause I already know about it.

No, currently he would be more likely to explain how Civ IV works...he's a little obsessed.

We also added to his iPod: "Paranoid" - Black Sabbath, "They're taking the hobbits to Isengard" - Ervin Beekveld, "Illuminati" - Fatboy Slim, "Another One Bites the Dust" - Queen, Stealing Like A Hobbit" - The Great Luke Ski, "Rock the Casbah" - The Clash, "Where it's At" and "Loser" - Beck, "Doctorin' the Tardis" - KLF, "Muevelo" - Los Super Reyes, "Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto" - Polysics, "Get Busy" - Sean Paul, "Play that Funky Music White Boy" - Wild Cherry, "White & Nerdy" - Weird Al, "Monster" and Hot Rails to Hell" - BOC and a few others.

The boy is developing some fun taste in music.

[Genlok]

No kidding.  Nice play list.

[hoa nguyen]

Yes indeed.

I will filk when I find time. Been having a little too much fun coming up with Powerpoint Presentations to delight and frighten my students.

[Joe Jack Onassis]

I will filk when I find time. Been having a little too much fun coming up with Powerpoint Presentations to delight and frighten my students.

You have the same number of hours in your day that Michaelangelo, Einstein, Mother Theresa, Scatman Crothers, Jonas Salk, and Bobby Fischer had in theirs.  They all managed a filk here and there.  Of course, Mother T only filked the fine, upstanding bands like Stryper and Jars of Clay...

[Spark]

Mother Teresa is a whore! Please see Cristopher Hitchens's "Hell's Angel."

[Joe Jack Onassis]

Mother Teresa is a whore!

Still?  That's nasty!

[Spark]

My apologies for my incorrect tense.  Let me make a correction.  Mother Teresa was a whore.

[Brand Nar Gath]

My apologies for my incorrect tense.  Let me make a correction.  Mother Teresa was a whore.

Yet another nun going to hell.