Minneapolis filk

[Smiling Jack]

Nauseous Again  (to the tune of "Finished Again" by the Cows)

What's the use of fighting, I'm nauseous again
Clean your boots up, I'm nauseous again
You heard what I said
What's the use of fighting, I'm nauseous again
That small spot of vomit has come from the hin
These "blessings" of Torm always turn out the same
And everyone here is now nauseous again
I have no more backstabbings to send
As for myself I can't even defend
I can't keep my mouth shut and pretend
It squirts out my lips, I'm nauseous again
I failed my save and so have my friends
And the rations I ate are sitting like lead
It just reminds me of what I was back when
Back before I was nauseous again

[Nazurahei]

I'll be right on this.

[Brand Nar Gath]

tap tap tap (foot tapping)...

[Náriël Telemnar]

Really Bad Gameplan (to the tune of Prince's "Little Red Corvette")

I guess I should've known by the way that the ogre beat us
That it would go bad
One hit for me and another for the dwarf was all she wrote
Would’ve died if not for Brad
I guess we must be dumb cuz we kept on going through the dungeon
Even through we felt abused
But it was Thursday night, we were itching 4 a fight
And we said - "What have we got 2 lose?"

That’s how we formed a Really Bad Gameplan
A plan that wouldn’t last (Oh)
Really Bad Gameplan
We shoulda got outta there fast

I guess I should've know 2 beware when a half-orc forms a plan
That it just won’t work out right
Cuz I felt a little nervous just standing in the hall
While the clerical mage started a fight
Believe it or not, I started 2 worry
I wondered if I was smelling some gas
But it was Thursday night, we were waiting for a fight
But then baby they were kicking our ass
Oh yeah!

Really Bad Gameplan
A plan that wouldn’t last (No it won’t)
Really Bad Gameplan
We shoulda got outta there fast (Oh, no!)

That toxic gas cloud caused some 2 heave
And I just know U thought it would be me
I didn’t barf, baby, but half the rest did
I just got magiked into a non-stop laughing spree

Really Bad Gameplan
A plan that wouldn’t last
Really Bad Gameplan
These monsters are kicking our ass, hey hey

Really Bad Gameplan
Fellas, we gotta think twice (gotta think twice)
Really Bad Gameplan
Cuz if we don't, we gonna take our really bad gameplan right to the grave
(Really Bad Gameplan)
Right down 2 the grave (Fellas, we gotta think twice)
U, U, U gotta think twice
(Really Bad Gameplan)
And get some better dice, more dice
Need 2 find bones to treat us nice!

Ryan, U kicked our ass like it’s never been, ow!
And the hurt...
I say the hurt was so bad, it shoulda been marked obscene

Ow!
A plan that wouldn’t last
Really Bad Gameplan
U need a thought, U need to be thinkin’, uh, start thinkin’ twice
(Really Bad Gameplan)
Fellas, we gotta think twice (gotta think twice)
Really Bad Gameplan
Cuz if we don't, cuz if we don't
We're gonna run our plan right into the grave (Right into the grave)
Right into the grave (Right into the grave)
Right into the grave (Right into the grave)

Really Bad Gameplan

[Nazurahei]

BARD HALF-ELF MORON (Sung to the tune of “Dope Smokin’ Moron” by the Replacements)

So, you dwell in a cell and I just can’t tell
Why oh why you went into the Lighthouse from Hell
Watch out where you're wanderin’ before you get slain
Your think this dungeon is some kind of a game (hey, wait a minute…)

CHORUS:
Bard half-elf moron, you’re just a pawn
Bard half-elf moron, you’re just a pawn
Bard half-elf moron
You’re just a
You’re just a pawn

I keep thinking, wonderin’ what happens in your cell
How many of your captors have had their way?
You're singin’, you're wailin’ to calm the ghost
But how much longer before you end up toast?

CHORUS

“Hey, Rene’, I was wonderin'... if ya had any Lone Stars on ya?”

[Nazurahei]

PUKIN’ PARTY (Sung to the tune of “Swingin’ Party” by The Replacements)

Bring your own barfbag if you’re gonna join this party
Here we’re regurgitatin’, some are even shartin’
Pass around the barfbag, tryta wipe if off your chainmail

CHORUS:
If feelin’ woozy is a crime, I'm wearing prison stripes
If feelin' well is your kind, could you pass me the baby wipes?
If feelin' sick is a crime, we’ll barf side by side
We’re the pukin’ party down the line
We’re the pukin’ party down the line

Round the dungeon hallways, sluicin’ diarrhea
Poison gas, nausea spells and my save was just a three, yeah
Vomit all around, doubled over and turning green

CHORUS

Bring your own barfbag if you’re gonna join this party
Here we’re regurgitatin’, some are even shartin’
Pass around the barfbag, hold my hair while I hurl

CHORUS

[Náriël Telemnar]

PUKIN’ PARTY (Sung to the tune of “Swingin’ Party” by The Replacements)
Round the dungeon hallways, sluicin’ diarrhea
Poison gas, nausea spells and my save was just a three, yeah
Vomit all around, doubled over and turning green

That's funny!

[Nazurahei]

PUKIN’ PARTY (Sung to the tune of “Swingin’ Party” by The Replacements)
Round the dungeon hallways, sluicin’ diarrhea
Poison gas, nausea spells and my save was just a three, yeah
Vomit all around, doubled over and turning green

That's funny!

Sorry I forgot about my Missions Unknown commitment for Tuesday! 

Want me to cover Thursday?

[Smiling Jack]

Blugh, Blugh, Blugh  (to the tune of "Blah, Blah, Blah" by Husker Du)

Got something to slay
We've planned perfectly
We'll just go ahead and run this rout
It's all the game, you see
What's that, you smell some scents?
A mix of rot and dung?
Or are you sick out of fear?
Stick to the plan or we're dead

I can see your gut move
Blugh Blugh Blugh
Don't wanna smell it
I can see your lips spew
Blugh Blugh Blugh
Don't wanna smell it

Got something to spray
That's breakfast I see
Well just go ahead and spit it out
Just don't get any on me
It's steaming and chunky
The smell is intense
I hear sounds from the hallway
Looks like we got us a chain reaction

I can see your gut move
Blugh Blugh Blugh
Don't wanna smell it
I can see your lips spew
Blugh Blugh Blugh
Don't wanna smell it

I can see your gut move
Blugh Blugh Blugh
Don't wanna smell it
I can see your lips spew
Blugh Blugh Blugh
Don't wanna smell it

Got something to slay
We've planned perfectly
Didn't think this was how it'd turn out
The floor is all messy
What's that, come to your defense?
Are you talking in tongues?
Can't be around that stuff
Get some sawdust down on that

I can see your gut move
Blugh Blugh Blugh
Don't wanna smell it
I can see your lips spew
Blugh Blugh Blugh
Don't wanna smell it
You'll make me sick, too
Blugh Blugh Blugh
Don't wanna smell it
Just got these new boots
Blugh Blugh Blugh
Don't wanna smell it

(fade into chatter... including the word "poontang")

[Náriël Telemnar]

Sorry I forgot about my Missions Unknown commitment for Tuesday! 

Want me to cover Thursday?

You didn't forget. What you forgot is that you are supposed to take Wednesday and Thursday. So...no problem.

[Nazurahei]

Sorry I forgot about my Missions Unknown commitment for Tuesday! 

Want me to cover Thursday?

You didn't forget. What you forgot is that you are supposed to take Wednesday and Thursday. So...no problem.

Wow. My fuckup would have gone unnoticed if I'd just kept my big mouth shut.

I think the lesson here is to try to sweep all my mistakes under the carpet and completely deny responsibility. Sounds like I'm ready for a job on Wall Street!

[Nazurahei]

THE GIRL WHO LIVES ON UNDEAD CHILL (Sung to the tune of “The Girl Who Lives on Heaven Hill” by Husker Du)

There's a girl who lives on undead chill
We let her stay in the party still
Healing spells won’t keep her alive
Negative energy is how she survives

She's the girl who lives on undead chill

She's tall and pale and dresses in black
And can summon ghouls to watch her back
She’s not crazy about the deacon’s god
Got Coil and Joy Division on her iPod

She's the girl who lives on undead chill

Tried to pass herself off as the neighborhood scribe
It was pretty clear she was from another tribe
But on our side is where I want her to be
That girl, her zombies and her negativity

She's the girl who lives on undead chill

[Nazurahei]

I hope filking about oneself doesn't come across as being egotistical! 

[Brand Nar Gath]

You are expanding Naz's personality cult.. iss-a-good!