Filks for the final week at Casa Ryan y David

[Nazurahei]

CRAZY DOORS (Sung to the tune of “Crazy Arms” by Patsy Cline, Ray Price, Jerry Lee Lewis, et al.)

Now, “burnt” ain't the word for the way that I feel
There's a fire shootin' in this dungeon hall
This sure is some wacky door, stamped with all these seals
Gotta hope we press the right ones ‘fore we fall

[Chorus]
Crazy doors that seek to scorch somebody new
But my tiny brain can’t see reason or a rhyme
My sizzling hand soon will press another rune
And that's why I'm getting burned one more time

Please heal these stinging burns inflicted upon me
And drag my crispy body back down the line
This sure is some wacky door, stamped with all these seals
And that's why I'm getting burned one more time

CHORUS

And that's why I'm getting burned one more time!

[Smiling Jack]

Made of Flesh  (to the tune of "In the Flesh" by Blondie)

Kralig, Kralig, Kralig
Why'd you flip that lever
Remember all that shit went down
When we flipped that one together
Acid splash
 
Kralig, Kralig, Kralig
You've got yourself a problem
The floor you're on is rising
and now you face a golem
Made of flesh
 
Went camping one night
On the road north of town
On watch with just a half-orc
The brains had bedded down
You said "I hear something, Assack
This one is ours"
Led us to a museum
Flown down from the stars
 
Kralig, Kralig, Kralig
Now you're outta luck
The golem's made short work of you
Why didn't you duck
 
Ooh Kralig, Kralig
I'll try to get your potion
If I can only deal with
This humanoid commotion
Made of flesh
 
Ooh big and strong
Made of flesh
Ooh reach is long
Made of flesh
Ooh
 

[Smiling Jack]

I have also composed a Haiku.

     I did something dumb
     Now it's starting to sink in
     I saved the damn dwarf

[Brand Nar Gath]

I like your haiku very much, small person.

[Smiling Jack]

Actually, I am rather tall for a hin.

[Nazurahei]

WALK ON BY (Sung to the tune of “Walk on By” by Burt Bacharach and performed by Dionne Warwick, Isaac Hayes, Aretha Franklin, Roland Kirk, Stan Getz, The Stranglers, et al.)

If you see a portal stamped with runes
And every touch yields a flaming plume
Walk on by, walk on by

Make believe
That you don't see the door
Just let us leave
With our health 'cause each time we touch things
We get baked and fried
So walk on by (don't stop)
So walk on by (don't stop)
Just walk on by

This museum we don’t need to see
Monsters and golems want to eat me
Walk on by, walk on by

Treasure chests
Are what we hope to find
But in this quest
Things we encounter aren’t what they seem
They’ll just make us die
Walk on by
So walk on by
Just walk by (don't stop)

Walk on by, walk on by

Treasure chests
Are what we hope to find
But in this quest
Things we encounter aren’t what they seem
They’ll just make us die
So walk by (don't stop)
Walk on by (don't stop)
So walk on by (don't stop)
Just walk by (don't stop)

[Brand Nar Gath]

Actually, I am rather tall for a hin.

exactly.  And the Drow gave me an approximation of your manhood, issa very nice...

[Nazurahei]

Actually, I am rather tall for a hin.

Am I the tallest person in this rather shrimpy party?

[Smiling Jack]

Excessive height is just another quality of freakishness, so yes, you are the "tallest."

[Brand Nar Gath]

how tall are you?  my height is as of yet indeterminate...

[Nazurahei]

how tall are you?  my height is as of yet indeterminate...

6'3".

The better to tower over my enemies and frighten them.

[Smiling Jack]

how tall are you?  my height is as of yet indeterminate...

6'3".

The better to tower over my enemies and frighten them.

I am 3'3".  And unlike the GM, I don't find vaginas to be frightening.

[Brand Nar Gath]

yeah I do recall some jokes about you getting lost inside the drow...

[Smiling Jack]

That's where we found some of the best treasure chests!  Imagine:  A whole secret under-vag society unknown to the citizens of Waterdeep!  Such beauty.  And so much more to be explored.

[Nazurahei]

That's where we found some of the best treasure chests!  Imagine:  A whole secret under-vag society unknown to the citizens of Waterdeep!  Such beauty.  And so much more to be explored.

I believe that was the "Pirate Cove" the dwarf kept obsessing over.