Sitting around the Blue Flame Tavern

[Nazurahei]

Firstly, I killed all your parents.

My people are from here in Waterdeep. They usually sent me away to relatives so I could train. They said "You suck the life out of a room even worse than Uncle Albrecht the goblin raper." yeah whatever.
Look if someone's mother has the face of a baboon it's not an insult its an observation.

Still I had some good times as a lad. I remember me and my mum going down to the pond to kill the ducks. She was a good shot, could take a fucking ducks head clean off at 30 yards. She does some official work now, but it don't leave much time for killin' things and then what's the fucking point of it all I ask

Fucking gem merchant, tiara-making wind bags have lost all appreciation of a good bloodletting streets awash in the gore of your enemy and good times like that I mean sure there's some collateral damage but fuck it was bound to happen anyway wasn't it hey don't you fucking look at me like that old people die all the time and maybe that ratbag aunt Clara of yours should learn to keep her bearded old yap shut while she still has a few teeth

And Boss, I'm sure you did say "he needs to leave", but I swear I heard "break his knees", I hope your friend is okay.

Ryan- my new background : I murdered all their parents.

As much as Dwarves are into the minute intricacies of jewelcrafting and patient craftsmanship of weapon creation, you figure they would pay at least cursory attention to the finer details of punctuation.

I will mark up your paper and return it to you after the watch shift is over.

[Brand Nar Gath]

Hey having a delusional dwarf in the party should make for a raring good time.  I can here 'swoosh' 'plop' as someone's head just comes off when they are not looking!

[Smiling Jack]

Now that we know he isn't a "dworphan" I have to ask:

Are your parents proud?

I mean, wasn't Einstein pretty much a scribe during his humble beginnings?  At least those are some worthy footsteps to follow in, but a bouncer?  You've got Vin Diesel and Mr. T to look up to.

Also, I find it odd to hear the phrase "official work" being applied to an inmate.  But I suppose that just shows that I don't know the ins and outs of the prison laundry room.

[Smiling Jack]

Hell is for Parents (to the tune of Pat Benatar's "Hell is for Children")

Ours died in the dark, as they lay in the mud
Ours died in the night, we could not see their blood
We may have kept straight, we may have run wild
Since their blood has been spilt, there's no parental guilt
For the folks of a orphaned child

Because hell
Hell is for parents
Those that know that their grown-up kids have become such a mess
Hell
Hell is for parents
And they shouldnt have to pay for their love with your lack of progress

Its all so confusing, this patron abusing
He's like Vinny D., he's just like Mr T
Youre crass and you're loud, boy your folks must be proud
Be a good troglodyte, and at the end of the night
You'll get a shot out of the spill tray

Because hell
Hell is for parents
Those that know that their grown-up kids have become such a mess
Hell
Hell is for parents
And they shouldnt have to pay for their love with your lack of progress

No, hell is for parents

Hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for parents

Hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for parents

Hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for hell
Hell is for parents

Hell is for parents
Hell is for parents

[Náriël Telemnar]

Crime Wave (to the tune of Heat Wave by Irving Berlin)

We're having a crime wave,
A Waterdeep crime wave,
The hobbits are looting,
While noxiously pooting,
Should’ve done without saurkraut.

To deal with this crime wave
This Waterdeep crime wave
The gnomes are all packing
The dwarf will start hacking
He’s ready to slug a thug.

Gee, this criminal spree
Makes our fair city
A town without pity.

We're having a crime wave,
A Waterdeep crime wave,
The studious scribe
With the cool gothic vibe
Surely knows a spell as well.

[Smiling Jack]

What the hell is a "hobbit?"

[Brand Nar Gath]

its what you scrape off the bottom of your shoe after you accidentally step on a halfling...

[Smiling Jack]

What the hell is a "halfling?"

[Brand Nar Gath]

UM, one of the wee folk?

[Nazurahei]

I believe the preferred nomenclature is "little people."

Please consult the diversity section of your employee handbook, page 34-C.

[Náriël Telemnar]

The mage’s name, you say? Oh, he was no one important. No one you would have heard of.

Perhaps I have. Try me...

[Smiling Jack]

I believe the preferred nomenclature is "little people."

Please consult the diversity section of your employee handbook, page 34-C.

The preferred nomenclature is "hin."  There is no such thing as a "ling," therefore there is no such thing as a "halfling."

There is, however, such a thing as a "wit."  Please don't prove yourself as half of one of those.

[Nazurahei]

I believe the preferred nomenclature is "little people."

Please consult the diversity section of your employee handbook, page 34-C.

The preferred nomenclature is "hin."  There is no such thing as a "ling," therefore there is no such thing as a "halfling."

There is, however, such a thing as a "wit."  Please don't prove yourself as half of one of those.

Don't worry. I haven't.

Wit goes hand-in-hand with being literate.

[Nazurahei]

(WE ARE) THE WATCH CREW (Sung to the tune of “(We Are) The Road Crew” by Motorhead)

Another watch, another night
Another street, another fight
Another culprit taking flight
I'm stuck between a dwarf and hin
Another grumpy patrol again
Constant bitching’s wearing thin
My uptight boss is much too old
“Join the crew,” I was told
Another body on patrol

We are the watch crew

Another vandal we can chase
Another unsolved graffiti case
Another night gone to waste
Another zealot on our team
Another cleric, eyes agleam
It’s enough to make me scream
I'm going down a sewer hole
Hoping I don’t find a troll
Another shitty place to stroll

We are the watch crew

Another window broken in
Another spilled garbage bin
Another lane with a dead end
Another boring petty crime
Another alley full of grime
Another waste of my time
Another midnight on the beat
Another eight hours on my feet
Sure wish I could get some sleep

We are the watch crew

[Gabriel Cash]

Nice one.

And that is a big part why I found myself in this wretched hive of scum and villainy to find people of your... caliber who are resistant to dangers urgent warnings against trespassing into the citys nyther reaches And here in this watch i find people who for whatever their reasons are willing to curtail their raisons and enter wherein they don't belong for fun profit and the public good and who in this unstable band has spent time in these sewers? well surprise surprise its the slippery little one