The Return of the Filk

[Mr. Woodhope]

Surely somebody would accept the challenge...

"Beating the Dwarf" (to the tune of Molly Hatchet's "Beatin' The Odds")

Well, the spell came and
It had some evil effect
Mister Woodhope ran
And Davl’min lost his mind
But the Dwarf, he got decked

The half-man he was babbling
He didn’t know what to do
He stood next to the barbarian
As Dav tried to cut him in two

He was beating the Dwarf
He was beating the Dwarf
He was beating the Dwarf again
He was stark out of his gourd
Sporting a crazy grin
As he was beating the Dwarf again

Well, Kael had enough
Opting to get rough and
He attacked to subdue
Nothing like fighting
Amongst ourselves when
The bad guys got us screwed

Mister Woodhope was still runnin’
As Nyther cast a Wall of Force
Zombies could not pass
It was harder than glass
So they’re waitin’ around, of course

He was beating the Dwarf
He was beating the Dwarf
He was beating the Dwarf again
Taken leave of his senses
Dav’l was mad as sin
As he was beating the Dwarf again

The battle waged without end
Twixt our greatest fighters
The barbarian raged
Blood and gore, all around
They were scores of hit points lighter

Once more Nyther stepped in
To cure his magiked friends
Soon as the madness had fled
As they lay there and bled
They said, Cleric, heal me again

He was beating the Dwarf
He was beating the Dwarf
He was beating the Dwarf again
He was a complete nutter
Unleashin' the rage within
As he was beating the Dwarf again

He was beating the Dwarf
He was beating the Dwarf
He was beating the Dwarf again
He was stark out of his mind
Dav’l kicked him in the shin
As he was beating the Dwarf again

[the gm with no name]

Very nice! 

[Brand Nar Gath]

its not as good as Woodhope's song, but

DON'T BEAT THAT DWARF
to the tune of
Don't Bang The Drum by The Waterbooys

    
    Here we stand
In a spooky place
What are you gonna do here?
Now we stand
wall of force in face
What loss of sanity?
What gibbering terror
will make you toss your cookies and flee
It could be deliverance (without the squeals)
Or history of dwarf hating
So blue
Could be something true...

...but if I know you
You’ll beat  the dwarf like monkeys do

Here we are in this flatulent  bilious place
What are you you gonna dream here?
We are standing in this inveigling  place
What will you say here?
blibbrrboo glaompaloleylee?
You llike a wizard leaping around
Barbarian You love to beat your chest
And make your sound
But not here man
- this is sacred ground
With a power flowing through...

..and if I know you
You’ll beat the drum like monkeys do

Here we stand
On an intestinal sore
Your short father stood here before you
I can see his ghost explore you
Kael can ask you not to do that
just  to pass on by
just to walk on by
Not to try...

...just let it come
Don’t beat  the dwarf

Just let it come
Don’t beat the dwarf
Just a-let it come
Don’t bang the dwarf

Do you know how to just let the hussy do it...
Don’t bang the dwarf now...

Just let it come now
Don’t bang the dwarf
Just let it come
Don’t bang the dwarf..

[Mr. Woodhope]

You’ll beat  the dwarf like monkeys do

That's a great line. Randy should get a t-shirt.

[Genlok]

Agreed.  Great line.

[Brand Nar Gath]

and I didn't mean to characterize the Barb as a monkey, but if the shoe fits....

[Mr. Woodhope]

and I didn't mean to characterize the Barb as a monkey, but if the shoe fits....

I'm going to be calling him "Barb" from now on.

[Zur]

The game tomorrow night! I am excite!

[Brand Nar Gath]

is this your last week at work?  100% of your production time now go to game?

[Zur]

is this your last week at work?  100% of your production time now go to game?

Thursday is my last day. And a like a 14-year-old mounting his first piece of nookie, it just can't come too fast.

[Genlok]

Say, how about giving us some wood too?!  We'll enjoy it and it's not hard for you to do...  two letters...  XP !

[Mr. Woodhope]

"I Want XP" (to the tune of "I Want Candy" by The Strangeloves and covered by Bow Wow Wow with that cute mohawk chick)

We’ve been fighting for weeks and weeks
But we just get a slap on the cheeks

Now there’s one thing that I desire

To see my level go up higher



I want XP, I want XP



Lost a lotta points to the Banshee scream

13th level seems like a dream

Played by iChat when I made cupcakes

Cause thousands of points is what it takes


I want XP, I want XP



With Teleport my aim could be better

But I’ll take the XP cause I’m a go getter

Some day soon I'll get a level, 

All that XP will make me revel



I want XP, I want XP

I want XP, I want XP...

[Zur]

"I Want XP" (to the tune of "I Want Candy" by The Strangeloves and covered by Bow Wow Wow with that cute mohawk chick)

We’ve been fighting for weeks and weeks
But we just get a slap on the cheeks

Now there’s one thing that I desire

To see my level go up higher



I want XP, I want XP



Lost a lotta points to the Banshee scream

13th level seems like a dream

Played by iChat when I made cupcakes

Cause thousands of points is what it takes


I want XP, I want XP



With Teleport my aim could be better

But I’ll take the XP cause I’m a go getter

Some day soon I'll get a level, 

All that XP will make me revel



I want XP, I want XP

I want XP, I want XP...

Best filk in ages. Will have totals for everyone at the start of the game tonight.

[Mr. Woodhope]

I'm on a roll...

"Single Digits" (to the tune of ZZ Top's "TV Dinners")

Single digits, that’s my initiative.
Single digits, for saving throws to live.
Pick up the die and look to throw twenty
I throw em and I read em and I get ones a-plenty, oh yeah.

Single digits, that’s what I’m gonna throw.
Single digits, I’ll be the last to go.
I’m waiting past the warriors for my pinche turn.
But when mine comes around there’s just nothing left to burn, oh yeah.

Single digits, Im feelin kinda down.
Single digits, like the party’s clown.
First my initiative was four but now it’s up to eight
I might even get to attack if it is not too late.

Get me dice, more dice, oh yeah
Maybe I’ll roll twice.
Gotta roll ‘em,
Roll me somethin' good.

[Dav'l]

Rag Kael (to the tune of "Rag Doll" by Aerosmith)

Rag Kael, laying on the hard ground
Stand up, it'll take the whole round
You're fine, they'll never see you laying on the cold floor, man
The rest, they are all still standing
Grapple check, their rolls were so commanding
Rag Kael, Lay there out of sight until the fights no more

He's feeling like a whippin' boy
mmm just like a whippin' boy
Dwarf's carving up a bad ghoul
Kael's laying like a decoy
Now Davl's talking real loud
Big and noisy like a storm cloud
Slicing through 'em like a big freak
Maybe should'a killed him last week
Now your health is on the decline
Now you're dying on the front line
All the rest are busy, poison made you dizzy
Lay there on the floor until you're put out of your misery

Rag Kael, laying on the hard ground
Stand up, it'll take the whole round
You're fine, they'll never see you laying on the cold floor, man
The rest, they are all still standing
Grapple check, their rolls were so commanding
Rag Kael, Lay there out of sight until the fights no more

Yes you're healing
Yes you're healing
Cleric found you in the cold mist
And he's giving you a health assist
Yes you're healing
Yes you're healing
All the rest are busy, poison made you dizzy
Lay there on the floor until you're put out of your misery

Rag Kael, laying on the hard ground
Stand up, it'll take the whole round
You're fine, they'll never see you laying on the cold floor, man
The rest, they are all still standing
Grapple check, their rolls were so commanding
Rag Kael, Lay there out of sight, lay there out of sight
Lay there out of sight until the fights no more