The Return of the Filk

[Mr. Woodhope]

Tale of Two Dead Wizards
(to the tune of "Torn Between Two Lovers" by Mary MacGregor...why do I still have this music in my head 30+ years later?)

This is not the tale of eight heroes traveling the planes
Even though it started off in that sort of way
Now here we really focus on two paragons of valor
The wizard Woodhope and the elfin sorcerer called Nyther

These two mages were just lingering in the hall
But that doesn't mean they were not on guard
The dauntless rogue tried a door but alas her roll she did fail
And that was when the entire crew heard the banshee wail

CHORUS
Tale of two dead wizards, dyin’ on the floor
Because the rogue screwed up opening a door
Tale of two dead wizards, as dead as doornails
Neither of them was really very hale

You mustn't solely think they’re weak for dying in this way
Their Fortitude Saves were never very high
And then Shotoku brought them back, but at such a dear cost
The huge sum of experience and levels that were lost

CHORUS
Tale of two dead wizards, dyin’ on the floor
Because the rogue screwed up opening a door
Tale of two dead wizards, as dead as dodos
Fallen to the floor lying in repose

Rogues should learn this lesson before the bodies are too stiff
Next time take a 20 when you’re defusing a magic glyph

CHORUS
Tale of two dead wizards, dyin’ on the floor
Because the rogue screwed up opening a door
Tale of two dead wizards, as dead as latin
Lovely and dead as Dorothy Stratten

Tale of two dead wizards
FADE
Dyin’ on the floor
Because the rogue screwed up opening a door

[Brand Nar Gath]

issA NIICE!!

[Brand Nar Gath]

Sung to the tune of Gordon Lightfoot's 'Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald'

The legend lives on from Betheryn on down
Of the deep dungeon beneath Gitche Gumee
The crypt, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the fogs on the floor spit up zombies.

With a load of hubris - 26,000 tons more
Than the Moribund Magicians weighed empty
That good party and true was a bone to be chewed
When the hands in the pit came early

The party was the pride of the Vasteran side
Coming back from some mill in Varl
As the big parties go it was bigger than most
With a crew and a Captain well seasoned.

Concluding some terms with a couple of real estate firms
When they left fully loaded for the temple basement
And later that night when the banshie's wail rang
Could it be the North Wind they'd been feeling.

The wail on the wind made a tattletale sound
And a wave broke along the corridor
And every man and woman knew, as the Captain did, too,
T'was the witch of November come stealing life's ichor.

The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the gales of November came slashing
When afternoon came it was up and at em again
In the face of two sad spell casters

When healing time came the old sorcerer did claim
Saying fellows it's too rough to go on
At 11PM Woodhope collapsed again
He said fellas it's been good to know ya.

The Captain wired in he had water coming in
And the good ship and crew was in peril
And later that night when his lights went out of sight
Came the black dead baby of Satan.

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the words turn the minutes to hours
The searchers all say they'd have made it away
If they'd just had the sense to flee

They might have split up or they might have hunkered in
They may have broke deep and parted the waters
but all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Good Woodhope sings, and Nyther he flings
In the ruins of the icy undead halls
Old flying babies invade a young man's dreams,
and the lands above worship unknowing

While farther below ghosts lurk
a half elf takes in what Vau can send him
And the iron in the barbarian's fists
cannot halt the wail remembered.

In a musty old hall in dark hell they prayed
In the dead baby / zombie Cathedral
The death knell chimed, 'til it rang all 8 times
For each man with the Moribund magicians.

The legend lives on from Betheryn on down
Of the deep dungeon beneath Gitche Gumee
The crypt, it is said, never gives up her dead
when the witch of November come singing

[Nyther]

Gads, you filkers are fast motherfilkers!

[Zur]

Good Lord.

An impressive pair of entries. Epic, even.

[Mr. Woodhope]

Brand and I posted on Friday...they rest of you filthy filkers better get busy. If I were the DM I would make a new rule. Nobody gets XP until they post a filk!

[Nyther]

Brand and I posted on Friday...they rest of you filthy filkers better get busy. If I were the DM I would make a new rule. Nobody gets XP until they post a filk!

Unless you've died more times than Campaign Reform Bills (like me), or you have fewer XP than W's IQ (like me), or you'll cry ('cause I damn sure will).  And I bought you beer, Sanford.   

[Brand Nar Gath]

YOU have less than 100 xp?

[Nyther]

Believe me, I know how disgusting this sounds, but I have filkersblock.   

[Loken]

Nyther Theme (to "Flipper Theme"  by Vars and Dunham )

They call him Nyther, Nyther, loves his chain- lightning,
Oh crap did you see, no one's deader than he,
And that poor Nyther, wrapped in deaths slumber,
Hey cleric! He's waiting for thee!

And the halflings all flee,
When this sorcerer they see,
Tricks he can do makes orphans appear,
But soon they'll all be crapping in fear!

They call him Nyther, Nyther, loves his chain- lightning,
Oh crap did you see, no one's deader than he,
And that poor Nyther, wrapped in deaths slumber,
Hey cleric! He's waiting for thee!

[Mr. Woodhope]

Nyther Theme (to "Flipper Theme"  by Vars and Dunham )

Diabolically funny. Good use of TV theme song. I can just picture Nyther breaching out of the water and chattering.

[Nyther]

Diabolically funny. Good use of TV theme song. I can just picture Nyther breaching out of the water and chattering.
[/quote]

Really?  "...breaching out of the water"?  Is that a fat crack? 

[Mr. Woodhope]

Really?  "...breaching out of the water"?  Is that a fat crack? 

Oh...does Nyther have a fat crack?

[Brand Nar Gath]

don't want to think about that... all that matters is that he has a fat bag....?!

[Mr. Woodhope]

don't want to think about that... all that matters is that he has a fat bag....?!

Oh...does Nyther have a fat sack?