A call for post-apocalyptic filks

[hoa nguyen]

METAL GUTS (Sung to the tune of "Metal Gods" by Judas Priest)

I've taken my stomach for granted
Until apart it was blown
Inside my belly something's planted
Some kind of metal drone

I just want to eat
Storing up my meat
Famine times ahead
I'll be the last to end up dead

I feel like a dromedary
With water inside its hump
It's just a little bit scary
Kind of like the cook's stump

Rumbling in my belly
Farts no longer smelly
Sounds it makes are keen
Like a washing machine

Metal Guts
Metal Guts

Metal Guts
Metal Guts

Is this Tennant's invention
This new stomach of mine
I wish I knew his intention
What does he have in mind?

I just want to eat
Storing up my meat
Famine times ahead
I'll be the last to end up dead

Metal Guts
Metal Guts

Metal Guts
Metal Guts

[Oprah]

Hooray!!!

[Johnny The Cook]

I answer the call...

Johnny's Arm (to Rick Springfield's "Jessie's Girl")

Johnny is a cook,
Yeah not really a good cook offhand
But he’s enthusiastic
Beneath all the grime
Johnny’s got himself a mark
He’s got letters on each hand
Then the sandman shot him right down
And Johnny’s left arm was all splattered, over the snow
And the tats just don’t make any sense, on one fist

How come we can’t reattach Johnny’s arm?
We can’t reattach Johnny’s arm?
You just can’t fix a tattoo like that.

Johnny’s message came through quite clear
Whether you requested a steak or a beer
Or he was dishing Vienna sausage hors d’oeuvre
His knuckles always conveyed that he wanted to serve
Then the sandman shot him right down
And Johnny’s left arm was all splattered, over the snow
And the tats just don’t make any sense, on one fist

How come we can’t reattach Johnny’s arm?
We can’t reattach Johnny’s arm?
You just can’t fix a tattoo like that.

Oh Johnny’s arm
We should reattach Johnny’s arm
How can a simple cook fight...
How can a simple cook fight like that?

He’s still got O R D E on the right hand
But now lost is the R space U P
The left is gone; destroyed by the man of sand
Replaced with a prosthetic ending in V
Tell me how do you fix a tattoo like that?

How come we can’t reattach Johnny’s arm?
We can’t reattach Johnny’s arm?
You just can’t fix a tattoo like that.
Oh Johnny’s arm

I wish we could stitch Johnny’s arm
I want, I want Johnny’s arm

[Brand Nar Gath]

that white man ain't got no rythm

[hoa nguyen]

I think I could do a pretty good cover up job if we could score a needle, some thread and a Bic pen.

That's how I did most of mine.

[Johnny The Cook]

that white man ain't got no rythm

I hope that was an insult to Rick Springfield and not me. If you are trying to dis me then you better filk it. Cause I ain't listenin' otherwise.

[Akker Redd]

Only Real Human left in the World (to the tune of "The Only Living Boy in New York" by Simon & Garfunkel

Damn, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
My skills are pearls before swine.
Want to escape New Mexico.
But goddamn it here I am,
The only real human left in the world.
Just a nuclear winter on the weather report.
Survivors turning into machines its sad to report.
Like to leave the army to drown in my bile.
But goddamn it here I am
The only real human left in the world

We should best be gone but we don't know where,
They say Los Alamos ain't far from here.

Damn, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
You know I want to build a plane and fly now.
Shouldn't we let the Earth just  die, die, die
Metal hands and metal guts
And Mike has taken a shine to Bea
I'm the only real human left in the world,
The only real human left in the world.

(Cops just don't count you know)

[Brand Nar Gath]

It it Ain't Got Arms
If it Ain't Got Rhythym by the Rev. HH

If it ain't got arms
Hon, it ain't got soul
If it ain't got stomach
Hon, it ain,t got soul
If it ain't got pearly blues, it just ain't rock n roll

I ain't got me no whiskey
I ain't got no beer
I don't need me no whiskey
I don't need no beer
thats why I'm sayin' honey let get out of hear

CHORUS:
DocDoc lets get out of here
Doc lets get out of here
I know a place with a little better atmosphere(no zombies)

If you ain't got a man
Hon, you ain't got soul
If you ain't got a dick
Hon, you ain't got soul
If your women just left, you don't know where to go

CHORUS

Go! Go! Go!

If you ain't got arms
Hon, you ain't got soul
If you ain't got a stomach
Hon, you ain't got soul
If your woman poinsoned you and left, you don't know where to go

CHORUS

Lets Go!

If it ain't got rhythm
Hon, it ain't got soul
If it ain't got rhythm
Hon, it ain't got soul
If it ain't got blues, it just ain't rock n roll

[hoa nguyen]

TENNANT (Sung to the tune of "Tyrant" by Judas Priest)

Behold 'tis I the mad doctor
Who's got you by the balls
Follow my plot, oh characters
Or you'll not survive at all

(Tennant) Egg-headed Svengali
(Tennant) Has us all in thrall
(Tennant) Treacherous inventor
(Tennant) Headed for a fall

I hope you're enjoying nuclear winter
I'm getting some good snowmobiling done
So I'll send you on another goose chase
While I'm down in a bunker having fun

(Tennant) Egg-headed Svengali
(Tennant) Has us all in thrall
(Tennant) Treacherous inventor
(Tennant) Headed for a fall

Mourn for us the DM holds in fear
Rolling up characters as spares
Death comes easy in the wasteland
Old Tennant has us running scared

I started this catastrophy
With my experiments and games
All around fallout and zombies
The world will never be the same

(Tennant) Egg-headed Svengali
(Tennant) Has us all in thrall
(Tennant) Treacherous inventor
(Tennant) Headed for a fall

Mourn for us the DM has in fear
Rolling up characters as spares
Death comes easy in the wasteland
Old Tennant has us running scared

I hope you enjoy your new parts
Metal stomachs and iron arms
Just remember the good doctor
Is always there to do you harm

(Tennant) Egg-headed Svengali
(Tennant) Has us all in thrall
(Tennant) Treacherous inventor
(Tennant) Headed for a fall

[Johnny The Cook]

TENNANT (Sung to the tune of "Tyrant" by Judas Priest)

Behold 'tis I the mad doctor
Who's got you by the balls
Follow my plot, oh characters
Or you'll not survive at all

(Tennant) Egg-headed Svengali
(Tennant) Has us all in thrall
(Tennant) Treacherous inventor
(Tennant) Headed for a fall

Very nice. I feel some Priest comin' on.

[hoa nguyen]

TENNANT (Sung to the tune of "Tyrant" by Judas Priest)

Behold 'tis I the mad doctor
Who's got you by the balls
Follow my plot, oh characters
Or you'll not survive at all

(Tennant) Egg-headed Svengali
(Tennant) Has us all in thrall
(Tennant) Treacherous inventor
(Tennant) Headed for a fall

Very nice. I feel some Priest comin' on.

[hoa nguyen]

If you bring some Priest, could you bring "Sin After Sin" or "Stained Class?"

I've got a real hankering for "Beyond the Realms of Death" and "Dissident Aggressor."

[Esteban the Deathmage]

Come to Mikey (sung to the "tune" of "Come to daddy" by Aphex Twin)

I want your soul
I will eat your soul
I want your soul
I will eat your soul
I want your soul
I will eat your soul
I want your soul
I will eat your soul!

Come to Mikey
Come to Mikey
Come to Mikey
Come to Mikey
Come to Mikey
Come to Mikey
Come to Mikey
Come to Mikey!

[Esteban the Deathmage]

that white man ain't got no rythm

I hope that was an insult to Rick Springfield and not me. If you are trying to dis me then you better filk it. Cause I ain't listenin' otherwise.

I thought you were black

[Esteban the Deathmage]

TENNANT (Sung to the tune of "Tyrant" by Judas Priest)

Behold 'tis I the mad doctor
Who's got you by the balls
Follow my plot, oh characters
Or you'll not survive at all

(Tennant) Egg-headed Svengali
(Tennant) Has us all in thrall
(Tennant) Treacherous inventor
(Tennant) Headed for a fall

Very nice. I feel some Priest comin' on.

There was a brief period wherein Rob Halford was kinda hot.